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Normal Worry vs. Anxiety in Motherhood: Understanding the Differences and When to Seek Support

Many mothers struggle with anxiety, and it is entirely understandable. While motherhood can bring immense joy and fulfillment, it can also bring about feelings of anxiety and stress. By acknowledging this fact, we can begin to explore ways to identify, manage and overcome this common struggle together.

Anxiety in Mothers: Why are Mother’s prone to experiencing anxiety?

There is no denying that motherhood is a challenging and rewarding journey. Motherhood can be a catalyst for anxiety. From the moment you find out you are going to be a mother, whether it be through pregnancy, fostering, adopting or stepparenting, your life changes in countless ways. Between juggling parenting responsibilities, managing a household, and possibly working outside the home, it can be challenging to find a balance and manage all the demands on your time and energy. Add in hormonal changes, lack of sleep, and societal pressures to be the "perfect" mother, and it's no wonder that anxiety is so prevalent among mothers.

We could fill a book with the countless valid reasons why mothers are at high risk for anxiety. Between the psychological, emotional, hormonal, mental, and physical changes that come with motherhood at any stage, it can be a lot to handle. However, no matter where you are on your journey of motherhood – whether it's wonderful, challenging, stressful, or transformative – there are a few key reasons why anxiety is common among mothers:

It’s an evolution-ingrained instinct. The sense of hyperawareness and vigilance mothers feel towards any and all potential threats to them and their offspring (perceived or actual) is deeply connected to our biological roots, and at its core, a mother’s anxiety represents primal survival and protective instincts inherited from humankind’s earliest mothers. The urge to protect is instinctual and sometimes not even in your conscious awareness, such as grabbing your child’s hand and looking both ways at a crosswalk, while simultaneously talking on the phone and walking with your child.
It’s a symptom of the physical transformation taking place. From a biological perspective, anxiety is a stress response, often activating a fight, flight or freeze response, which can be triggered by changes in hormones. From pregnancy to beyond post-partum, including menstruation cycles, perimenopause, and menopause, the fluctuations in a mother’s hormones can and often does lead to symptoms of anxiety. Often, once a mother’s hormones become balanced and regulated again, so does her anxiety, but not always. Many mothers I have worked with benefited from some professional support from a therapist and/or a psychiatrist to help them recalibrate to calm while they are working with their doctor to address biological needs.
It’s a symptom of the psychological transformation taking place. Whether you are a mother or a father, becoming a parent brings about many changes – personal and otherwise. Psychologically, it’s a major milestone, much like a rite of passage, and there is a psychological adjustment period that occurs while your self-identity reacclimates itself. Change, particularly as a first-time parent or encountering an issue for the first time as a parent, as well as transitions your child is going through at each developmental stage, can be anxiety provoking.

When do Mothers experience anxiety? And how long does Motherhood anxiety last?

Motherhood can be a wonderful and exciting time, but it can also be an anxious time. The idea of nurturing and raising a baby into a responsible and capable adult can bring immense joy and excitement, along with a realization of the commitment and responsibility this brings. And it's not always a smooth ride, as motherhood can also bring along its fair share of worries and challenges. How long that time lasts varies for every mother since every motherhood experience is uniquely personal. Anxiety can exist prior to pregnancy or adoption, even as early as childhood, as well as during pregnancy, postpartum, and even long after baby’s arrival. There is no common trend for when or how long a mother may experience anxiety, although the first 40 days postpartum are considered a potentially high-risk time for motherhood anxiety, especially for first time mothers.

Most parents will admit that they never stop worrying about their children, even after they’ve become an adult. But there is a difference between normal worry, concern, and natural stress-related anxiety and anxiety that may benefit from mental health support. Anxiety is actually a normal response to a real or perceived threat. It’s what alerts us to potential danger and helps us to quickly develop a plan (fight, flight, or freeze) to keep us (and others) safe. However, when anxiety becomes persistent, intense, and starts interfering with daily life, it may be a sign that professional help is needed.

Symptoms of anxiety include:

Insomnia – feeling tired but wired
Feeling intense fear
Feelings of doom
Lack of emotion – numbness
Difficulty breathing; shortness of breath
Dizziness
Panic attacks
Rapid heart beats
Headaches
Stomaches
Mood swings
Angry outbursts
Crying more than usual
Intrusive thoughts
Symptoms of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Symptoms of Depression
Relational dissatisfaction
Relational strain

When to get help?

Symptoms of anxiety may range from mild to severe. Experiencing mild bouts of anxious symptoms on occasion is normal, but if your symptoms are more than mild, or if your symptoms of anxiety last for more than two weeks straight without any reprieve, then it is best to seek a professional assessment to determine if you need additional support. You can contact your OBGYN, your family practitioner, a therapist or psychologist to share your concerns and ask for an assessment.

Whether you are a first-time mom, on your fourth child, thinking of becoming pregnant, are pregnant, recently had a baby, adopting, fostering, or parenting a teenager, it’s never too early or too late to get help. That said, research indicates that Mother’s often need help long before they actually receive it, which breaks my heart. There are so many resources available for mother’s coping with anxiety, so if you are a mother or mother-to-be and suspect that you currently need or will need anxiety support, please reach out and avoid waiting until symptoms are severe or chronic to get help.

There are many strategies and resources available to help mothers cope with anxiety, from mindfulness techniques to therapy and medication. It's important to remember that seeking help for anxiety is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. There is no shame in reaching out for support when you need it, and doing so can help you better manage your anxiety and enjoy motherhood to the fullest.

Are you finding it difficult to manage your anxiety, worry or stress? You don’t have to suffer in silence. Don't wait to get help!

While it might not be easy to think about seeing a therapist or counselor, it’s often the best way to get support. Connect with a therapist and get help today.