Parenting multiple children is always a balancing act, and it can become even more challenging when one child has special needs and requires more attention. Parents often worry about whether they’re giving all of their children the love and time they need, especially when one child demands more of their focus due to medical, developmental, or learning differences. Sometimes, parents might wonder if they’re neglecting the needs of their other children, particularly those who are neurotypical and don’t require as much help.
It’s normal for siblings to notice differences in how parents treat each child, When a child sees another child being treated differently, particularly if they perceive that the child is being favored by adults, the natural tendency is to question the situation or even to become confused, jealous, resentful or angry. When that child is a sibling, the issues become even more challenging. Siblings of special needs children often feel neglected, to the point of actually feeling invisible.However, with open communication, attention to each child’s needs, and careful planning, you can help all of your children feel valued, even when their needs are different.
Acknowledging Your Children’s Feelings
One of the most important first steps in making sure all your children feel valued is acknowledging their feelings. For example, your neurotypical children might not understand why their autistic sibling gets more time and attention. They may think it’s unfair, or they may feel left out and invisible. They may also try to overcompensate by becoming the “perfect child” so as not to create any extra stress for their parents.They might see their sibling getting more time with you because of extra doctor visits, therapy sessions, or help with daily activities like feeding or toileting. From their perspective, it might seem like you’re always spending time with their sibling, and they might wonder if they did something wrong or if you love them less.
Talking to your children about their feelings is essential. Ask them how they’re feeling and give them a safe space to express their frustrations. You can explain why their sibling needs more help in a way that makes sense for their age and understanding. For example, you might compare it to how some kids need glasses to see better, while others don’t. Each person has different needs, and giving extra help to one child doesn’t mean you love the other any less.
Psychologist Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D., says children may need reassurance that they didn’t cause their sibling’s challenges. Reassure your child that every person is different, and needing help is okay. This open communication can go a long way in easing their worries.
Spending Time with Each Child
Finding time to spend with each child individually is another important way to make sure they all feel valued. When you have a child with special needs, your time is often stretched thin, and it can feel impossible to give each child your full attention. However, even small moments of one-on-one time can make a huge difference in how your children feel.
Try to carve out a little time each day or week to spend with each of your children. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. Even five to ten minutes of focused time can show your child that they’re important to you.
For example, you could make dinner together, play a quick game, or take a short walk. It’s less about what you’re doing and more about making sure your child feels like they have your attention. You can also establish a small routine, like reading a story before bed or watching a favorite TV show together, to create special moments.
Including Siblings in Activities
Another way to make all of your children feel included is by finding ways to involve them in activities you’re already doing. This can be a great way to spend more time together while still getting everything done. For example, if you’re helping your child with special needs, you could ask their sibling to join in a way that feels fun or rewarding, like cooking dinner or playing a game together.
Including your neurotypical children in these activities can help them feel like they’re contributing to the family and strengthen their bond with their sibling. Just be careful not to make them feel like they have to take on too much responsibility. It’s important that your children still get to be kids and not feel like they’re being asked to care for their sibling.
Building Positive Sibling Relationships
Fostering positive relationships between your children is key. While having a sibling with special needs can be challenging, it can also teach neurotypical children valuable lessons about empathy, compassion, and patience. By encouraging your children to develop strong bonds, you help them see the strengths in each other, even if one child has more challenges.
Encourage activities that all of your children can enjoy together. These shared experiences can help them bond and create happy memories. Even small activities like watching a movie together, playing board games, or spending time outside can strengthen sibling relationships.
It’s also important to teach your children that “fair” doesn’t always mean “the same.” Some children need different things to feel supported, and that’s okay. For example, one child might love going to the park with you, while another enjoys spending time at a café. The time they spend with you might not look exactly the same, but it’s still meaningful for each of them.
Helping your children understand the difference between sameness and fairness can reduce jealousy and resentment. It helps them see that you’re trying to meet everyone’s needs, even if that looks different for each child.
Open and Ongoing Communication
Communication is key in any family, but it’s especially important when you have children with different needs. Make sure you’re regularly checking in with your neurotypical children to see how they’re feeling. Encourage them to express their thoughts and emotions openly, without fear of judgment.
It’s also okay to admit that parenting is tough. Let your children know that you’re doing your best to balance everyone’s needs and that their feelings are valid. Sometimes, simply acknowledging their emotions can make them feel better.
Encourage your children to come to you when they need support or attention. Let them know that even though their sibling might need more help at certain times, that doesn’t mean they can’t ask for your time too. Being open and honest with your children will help them feel more secure in your love and care for them.
Avoid Putting Pressure on Your Kids
Sometimes, neurotypical siblings feel like they need to be “perfect” to avoid adding more stress to their parents. They might hold back their feelings or try to be extra helpful to make life easier for you. While it’s great that they want to help, it’s important to let them know they don’t have to take on extra responsibility.
Reassure your neurotypical children that they don’t have to be perfect. They can make mistakes and have their own needs, just like everyone else. It’s important that they know they’re not responsible for managing the family’s challenges and that they can still be themselves.
Seek Support When Needed
Balancing the needs of all your children can feel overwhelming at times, and it’s okay to seek help when you need it. If you’re finding it hard to manage sibling relationships or if you feel like one of your children is struggling emotionally, consider reaching out for professional support.
Therapists and counselors, like those available through KidsTherapyFinder.com, can provide guidance for parents and children alike. They can help your family navigate the challenges of having children with different needs and offer strategies to ensure everyone feels supported and valued.
Final Thoughts
Parenting children with different needs can be tough, but by prioritizing communication, spending one-on-one time with each child, and fostering positive sibling relationships, you can ensure that all of your children feel loved and valued. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. If you need help, reach out to professionals at KidsTherapyFinder.com for support. They’re here to help you create a balanced, happy family life where everyone feels important.
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