Since the beginning, our earliest Mothers did life in community, operating in coordination with the other women and mothers in the village. Not only was living in community psychologically helpful, but it was also necessary. Individual human survival depended on the strength and resilience of the community.
But then things changed.
Socially, we evolved.
Human advancement progressed, and day-to-day life stopped revolving around agricultural requirements. Humans got really good at surviving – so good they had options. They discovered other ways of surviving that did not require dependency on the community, and if they wanted to, families could move away and leave village communities for a more individualized life experience including, moving to better schools, or better job opportunities and geographical areas that supported their interests and hobbies.
While there is much to be thankful for in the modern world, humans are still figuring a lot of things out, and despite the comforts and conveniences of modern day living, something deep in our collective conscious remains firmly rooted in the past. We have a fundamental need for healthy community, but that need goes unmet for many, particularly women. Social science research claims there are more people living in what is being called relational poverty than ever before. So, if you are a mama and feeling isolated or alone… paradoxically, you are not alone, and in this post, we’re going to discuss:
Why finding a supportive community is important.
Raising the next generation can sometimes feel like a never-ending rollercoaster ride of sleepless nights, tantrums, and teething, and having a group of like-minded individuals to turn to can make all the difference. A supportive community adds tremendous, irreplaceable value to your physical, psychological, and relational sense of well-being.
Here are 5 specific ways community can provide support.
1. Emotional support
When you're feeling overwhelmed, sad, or anxious, having someone to talk to can be incredibly comforting. Community can offer a safe space to share your struggles and receive emotional support and encouragement from others.
2. Shared experiences
No one understands the ups and downs of motherhood quite like another mom, and having a supportive community of other moms can offer a sense of camaraderie.
3. Advice and resourcesFrom breastfeeding tips to potty training strategies, a mom or parenting community can offer a wealth of knowledge and resources. By tapping into the collective wisdom of your community, you can learn new skills and gain confidence.
4. Celebratory support
Joy is multiplied when it is shared. Birthdays, baby showers, weekend cookouts, vacations, camping trips… these are all supportive community opportunities to cultivate belonging.
5. Practical benefits
Being able to call a trusted person in your community in a time of need is priceless. Life happens, and in an emergency, communities can come together to help in powerful ways, whether you are linked virtually or by geographical location. In a strong community, families have each other’s backs, and when needed, they step in to share resources and provide support.
The impact of COVID-19 on Mothers and how our social perception of community has evolved since the Pandemic.
The COVID-19 pandemic has had a significantly negative impact on our ability to connect with others, and moms have been hit particularly hard. Working mothers were left to carry the brunt of childcare, at-home schooling, caretaking, and general home and family responsibilities – all while maintaining work obligations amidst Pandemic stress. To complicate matters further, reports of domestic violence went up, alcohol consumption increased, and mental health stats plummeted. Additionally, a study reported that women who were pregnant or postpartum during the Pandemic received significantly less social support than pre-Pandemic, and as result, they experienced higher than usual symptoms of depression, anxiety, and chronic health problems.
In these and many other ways, COVID-19 highlighted the importance of community, and as mothers continue to cope with post-Pandemic struggles, hope can be found in community.
Village life – How to find your community.
1. Be intentional.
Finding a safe and supportive community to belong to requires more intention than in the past. Previously, community belonging was based on geographic location, kinship, or need, but today, the world is diverse, and community belonging is no longer automatic. To find a community, be on the lookout. Listen, watch, observe, and when you see an opportunity in a circle that interests you, put yourself out there. Inquire, introduce yourself, express interest, and be intentional.
2. Know what type of community you want.
While some communities are formal (such as support groups that are organized for a singular purpose), some communities are informal, less structured, and based on mutual interests (such as book clubs, pick-up sports, and in-person or virtual meetups). Ask yourself, what do you need? How do you want to belong? What type of support are you specifically wanting, and what type of involvement do you find most enjoyable and sustainable?
3. Explore in-person community ideas.
Sometimes, community opportunities exist, and you simply may not know about them. Do some research and see if you can prioritize time to connect with community activities in your area. Here are some popular in-person opportunities that may exist in your area:
4. Build a community.
Sometimes to have a friend you must be a friend, and to belong to a community, you might need to first establish one. If you are the type of woman who is a planner and enjoys facilitating and taking charge, consider becoming a village leader. Community members can be found anywhere: at your gym, your faith-based institution, your neighborhood, your local library, your child’s school or daycare, or your local coffee shop, etc.
Many studies estimate that around 60% of people in the U.S. feel lonely and isolated, and most of them are interested in belonging to a supportive community – they just don’t know how or where to go. Sometimes, all it takes for a community to be born is one courageous Mom making a flyer or creating a post on a neighborhood Facebook page.
5. Create a community with your children’s friend’s parents.
Children often offer excellent opportunities to meet other parents, but if you want to expand your search, consider volunteering in the PTA, or becoming a band mom, dance mom, or chess club mom.
6. Consider virtual community options.
Virtual communities can be a very convenient way to get some emotional support and helpful info. To join one, explore Facebook groups, online forums, local virtual meetups, or keep it simple, and set up routine virtual coffee breaks or happy hours for you and your favorite friends. Additionally, there are many parenting blogs available that offer advice, support, and a sense of community. Find a blog that resonates with you and join in the conversation in the comments section.
7. Become a member of a designated online parenting community.
Becoming a member of an online parenting community such as the one I lead offers many benefits, namely, a supportive community of parents. Parenting Playfully is one such community. Developed by a parent coach and licensed therapist with over 30 years of experience, Parenting Playfully, offers personalized support and help for moms who want to calm the chaos, foster connection and increase cooperation with their kids. Parenting issues are tackled through a playful parent lens and cover challenges such as motherhood anxiety and stress, parenting in a digital world, school issues, preparing kids for life, developing good mental health habits, behaviors, talking to your kids about tough topics, and more! You can learn more here.
Member-based communities also typically provide exclusive resources such as courses, workshops, and downloadable printables to help you learn new skills and gain confidence. Additionally, membership-based communities offer networking opportunities for connecting with other like-minded moms.
You don’t have to do it alone.
The number one takeaway of this entire post is that we are stronger together, and you don’t have to be an outsider. Belonging is possible and community is available.
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