What is the inner child?
None of us are just one thing. We are each comprised of many different parts. One of the most tender parts of who you are is the inner child, and everyone has an inner child.
Physical time and psychological time are not always one and the same, and the age of your psyche does not necessarily grow with each passing year the same way your physical biology does. This means that someone in their 30s, 40s, or even 70s, could be stuck in a much younger psychological age. By re-parenting yourself, you can honor and heal your inner child and fully integrate them with who you are today – a healthy adult.
How to heal your inner child
1. First, you need to acknowledge your inner child exists, and specifically, acknowledge that your inner child may have unmet emotional needs.
Remember that inner child wounds may involve major childhood traumas, but not always. It is possible to have had wonderful parents and a lovely childhood and still carry inner child wounds from little moments in your childhood when your emotional needs went unmet.
2. Second, try to identify what your inner child’s unmet need(s) is/are.
Emotional triggers can be very helpful for discovering what your unmet childhood needs might be. Emotional triggers are kind of like pet peeves, but much, much bigger. An emotional trigger is a circumstance that elicits a disproportionate overreaction from you. If you find yourself having a major reaction to a situation that, in reality, is not a big deal, then that is a trigger indicating there is something deeper going on beneath the surface. In triggering situations, your inner child may feel provoked, and when this happens, try to get curious. What’s driving the wound? Can you name the feeling? Is it inconsideration? Neglect? Injustice?
3. Third, take responsibility for healing your own inner child.
It is the adult version of you that needs to do the re-parenting and inner child work. Your inner child wants you, the adult version of you, to rescue them. At this point in your life, no one else can understand your inner child and give them what they need more than the adult version of you. Only the adult version of you has the ability to meet the past, unmet needs you experienced as a child.
4. Fourth, know when to seek professional help.
Inner child work is not easy. It’s often a life-long process, but it is such a beautiful, rewarding, and healing one! Giving your inner child the love and nurture they deserved as a child is a very healing and highly therapeutic experience. If you would benefit from some therapeutic self-reflection and guidance, please seek inner-child counseling or else engage in some self-exploration and re-parenting concepts with parent counseling.
5. Finally, heal your child by re-parenting yourself.
Joy is one of the most healing emotions there is, and joy is why play is so powerful. Happy, joyful children are playful children. The way you parent can be a beautiful gift you give not just to your children, but to yourself as well. Many modern-day parents are re-parenting their inner child right alongside their children by allowing themselves to enjoy the playful aspects of parenting.
Learn more: What is re-parenting and 7 Ways to re-parent your inner child.
Invite the healing power of joy through play.
The joy of playing can be profoundly nurturing - especially for anyone who grew up in a chaotic environment or with caregivers who rarely or never took time (or had time) for play. If play was not a predominant part of your upbringing or if you did not have a particularly playful childhood, you can still have a playful parenthood and pass on a joyful legacy of playfulness to your children.
Parenting can sometimes bring up traumatic memories and feelings of grief and loss from missed opportunities in your own childhood. If you wanted a safe, secure, playful parent, you can still have one. You can become that parent – both for yourself and also for your children.
While it might not be easy to think about seeing a therapist or counselor, it’s often the best way to get support. Connect with a therapist and get help today.
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