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Mindful Parenting: An Introduction for Anxious Moms to Ease Motherhood Anxiety

In the family dynamic, a mother's anxiety can sometimes cast a shadow, affecting everyone around her, even despite her best efforts. Without meaning to, a Mother's worries can lead to more tension at home, strain relationships, and even impact children's behavior. However, there's a silver lining: mindful parenting. By staying present and embracing mindfulness techniques, moms can ease their anxiety and create a calmer, more supportive atmosphere for their families. We'll dive into what mindful parenting is, its benefits, and practical tips for incorporating it into everyday life.

The Impact of Mother's Anxiety on the Family

The anxiety that many mothers experience often has a ripple effect on the rest of the family. As most mothers know, their moods and behaviors can impact their loved ones, whether they mean to or not. Remember the old saying, "if mama ain't happy, no one's happy"? A mother's anxiety can have several effects on the family, including a tense or stressful home environment, strained relationships between family members, disrupted sleep patterns and other physical symptoms, and decreased ability to enjoy and engage in daily activities together.

Children may also feel the impact of their mother's anxiety, such as exhibiting more clinginess, anxiety, or behavioral issues. But the good news is that the reverse is also true. A mother's calm and positive state of mind can influence the rest of the family in many ways. Mindful parenting, in particular, can create a healthy and positive family environment, benefiting everyone.

So, let’s talk about what is mindfulness, mindful parenting, and how it can help mom’s with anxiety and their relationships with their partners and children.

Mindfulness and mindful parenting

Mindfulness is the state of being emotionally grounded in the present moment. It’s a mindset that exercises the power of proactive curiosity over the influence of reactive fear.

Mindful parenting is a style of caregiving that emphasizes being fully present through the use of mindfulness techniques (we will talk more about that in a minute). Mindful parenting requires contextual awareness of the reality that both you and your child are feeling, experiencing, and reacting to internal and external stimuli at every moment. By being fully present in that moment, parents are better able to foster positive parent-child relationships, and ultimately, reduce stress and anxiety.

Benefits of mindful parenting for children

The individual benefits of mindfulness are impressive, but perhaps the greatest benefit of mindfulness is the neutralizing effect it can have on anxiety. Mindfulness is powerfully regulating, and when a stress response is felt, mindfulness can restore calm by regulating emotions for both you and your child. When the practice of mindfulness is brought into the realm of parenting, the benefits may be even more profound, and the ways in which mindful parenting can benefit you and your family are endless.

Children naturally attune to their parent’s emotional energy, and often, it is a parent’s emotional state that will set the tone for the household. Consequently, mindful parenting fosters a positive family environment and creates a safe, nurturing atmosphere where children feel safe to explore, learn, and grow without fear and anxiety.

By creating space for compassion to exist even when distressing feelings and situations come up, mindful parenting techniques can improve the parent-child relationship through what we call co-regulation.

More about co-regulation

Co-regulation in mindful parenting refers to the process of regulating emotions and behavior in both the parent and the child. It involves creating a safe and supportive environment where the child can learn to manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors effectively, with the help of their parent.

Co-regulation in mindful parenting involves the parent being present and attuned to their child's emotional needs, responding in a calm and supportive manner, and modeling healthy emotional regulation. It involves active listening, empathizing with the child's emotions, and responding with compassion and understanding. For example, instead of telling a child to “just calm down” or “stop crying” (self-regulation), a mindful parent using co-regulation might say, “You’re angry. Let’s take some deep breaths together.” It's an ongoing process that requires the parent to be present, patient, and non-judgmental, even when the child's emotions are intense or challenging. This means that the parent is aware of their own emotions and triggers and takes steps to regulate them before responding to their child.

By working together to regulate emotions and behaviors, parents and children can develop a strong and positive relationship, leading to better overall emotional health and well-being for both parent and child.

Additionally, mindful parenting empowers caregivers with the mindset needed to meet their children exactly where they are at and confront arguments and disagreements with curiosity and unconditional acceptance.

Examples of mindful parenting techniques for moms coping with anxiety

If you are a mom coping with anxiety, mindful parenting techniques may be helpful for regulating your own anxiety, co-regulating and supporting your children(s) emotional experiences. Here are 3 ways you can begin incorporating mindfulness into your parenting.

Practice deep breathing: When you feel stressed or overwhelmed, take a few deep breaths and focus on the sensation of the breath moving in and out of your body. Encourage your child to do the same when they feel upset or anxious.
Be present: When you're spending time with your child, try to be fully present in the moment. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, and engage in activities that allow you to connect with your child, such as playing a game, reading a book, or taking a walk together.
Practice active listening: Mindful listening involves paying close attention to what your child is saying without judgment or interruption. Try to listen actively, acknowledge feelings, and respond with empathy “That sounds hard. I’m sorry you had to go through that.” or “You are frustrated. You really thought you should have been chosen to play that inning.”, as well as with understanding “You are sad. You wish you could go outside and play with your friends instead of doing your homework.”

Challenge yourself to say fewer words than your child-listen more, talk less. In fact, try to respond with 10 words or less. When we use fewer words, we are forced to be concise and clear in our communication, which can help us get our point across more efficiently. This is particularly important when communicating with children, who may have shorter attention spans and be less able to process complex language.

How to practice mindfulness

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Victor Frankl

I work with many mothers who cope with anxiety, so if you are new to the world of mindful parenting, I know there is a chance you might be wondering how you’re supposed to find time for mindfulness.

Rest assured; mindfulness practices are not something that you add to the list. Mindfulness practices replace less helpful responses. It’s the “resource” you can turn to so that the compulsion to respond anxiously is overridden by a more useful response. While mindfulness does require concentration and intention setting, it consumes way less energy than anxiety. In fact, mindfulness reverts the draining fight or flight reaction and helps regulate your nervous system.

Mindfulness tips for mothers

Be curious – Anxiety is often the result of fear jumping to conclusions, and a great way to restore your sense of control in a situation is to get curious. Curiosity is neutral and it’s one of the very best ways to begin re-grounding yourself in the present moment and distancing yourself from the fight or flight reaction.
Ground yourself – Take a seat and put your hand over your heart. Notice your body. Feel your breath. If your mind wanders, that’s ok. Gently bring it back to the moment. Lean into your senses. What colors can you identify and name? What textures can you feel? What are you smelling? What sounds are you hearing? Are there too many sounds? Is it too loud? Is it possible to make it a little quieter? Are you thirsty? When stress is triggered, intrusive thoughts and emotions can feel overwhelming. Refocus your attention on where you are and what you are doing by focusing on the surrounding stimuli.
Be kind to yourself – Practice self-compassion. Being a good parent starts with being a good friend to yourself. Responding “perfectly” to every situation is not possible, and running on empty is not sustainable. Sometimes, managing your emotional, physical, and mental care means giving yourself some grace. This can help you feel more calm and centered, and be more patient and compassionate with your child. After all, no one can pour from an empty cup.

Mindful parenting takes practice and sometimes even professional guidance.

You don’t need to be responsible for your well-being all by yourself. If you are coping with anxiety and struggling to implement mindful parenting, please contact me. I’m here, and I understand the magic and sometimes mayhem of motherhood.

To find a parent counselor, click here.